On Happiness and Identity:

Happiness is a state of great priority to everyone, regardless of gender, socioeconomic circumstance, race, whatever the label may be. We all want to be happy and we want to be happy for as long as possible. It is such a long journey toward realizing what happiness means. The sooner you realize what makes you happy, the sooner you begin to formulate purpose. The less you become afraid of trying and failing while you pursue it. There is nothing worse than being “stuck.” It’s especially crucial for females to define for themselves what is true happiness and how to carve out meaning in a society where we are “beat into dank submission” (as Bukowski once wrote).

I’m writing about happiness because I am just beginning to realize what in life brings me the most satisfaction.The things that make me the most content are also the things that continually build upon my character and help me assert my own identity. Three things bring me sanity: nature, philanthropy, and expression.

As females, so much of our identity is thrust upon us by a variety of external forces. Growing up Catholic, I was either a virgin or a whore. Growing up with a misogynist father, I was force fed these unnatural ideas about how women are supposed to know how to cook and clean, be unoffensive and wear the weight of their family’s “good name” across their breasts. My father’s main concern was preserving my virginity.  (**I maintain [my father] is product of his upbringing. His intentions are good, but he just grasps so tightly to tradition). The women that I saw on television were revered for their looks or their ability to be enigmatic and elusive. Identity or purpose was always in relation to the opposite sex. So much of our identity is tactfully tied to our sexuality. Thus, substantial aspects of our existence that outline our true sense of purpose become peripheral or secondary. Our path toward happiness is deterred by all of these other stupid preoccupations and misconceptions.

We don’t all adhere to that. I actually believe we all struggle with silencing that malignant voice. As I mentioned earlier, the things that bring me a great deal of happiness are nature, philanthropy, and expression. All of which I TRY to incorporate into my life in some way.

I want to be successful and I want to be whole. Therefore, I express myself for the sake of expressing myself. I surround myself in natural, open environments because nature teaches us in ways that human beings cannot. I dig philanthropy because I am so “in my own head” sometimes that giving myself away feels so much more rewarding.

As I move toward happiness, I lose more and more of myself being into the things I am passionate about. Doing things for the sake of doing them. Nobody can strip me of that. Equally, no one else could gift that to me either.

The last thing that defines me is my sexuality. I need no validation from anyone based upon how I look or how many dicks I’ve sucked. I am not my father’s daughter. I am not my lover’s lover. I am not an ugly whore or a pretty prude or whatever the fuck they want us to call each other. I am a human being pushing forward, forming my identity, fucking whomever I please/whenever I please, and that does not degrade me. What is most important is my own happiness, nothing less. I will not let anyone else define that for me.