On Friendship: Weirdos.

Growing up, it was very difficult for me to make friends. I used to be made fun of for having a rolling backpack and for the fact that my big round glasses had straps. I used to wear combat boots and sing aloud on the playground. Because I had no friends in elementary, I would sit on a bench and write in a wide-ruled spiral bound. I loved Shel Silverstein so I would mimic his writing and make little rhymes about animals or characters or anything really. That was me.

I think over time I began to consciously tell myself to stop “being weird.” The less and less “weird” I tried to become, it was eventually a little easier to be “accepted.” Consequently, I let what others thought of me force me to put on this mask. This, “I don’t play with Polly Pockets or have a mock chemistry lab kit waiting for me in the garage when I get home” façade.
Instead of moving toward all of the weird shit that made me more of who I really was, I shed that and became nothing.

Honestly, it hurts to have people dislike you for being you, but the acceptance you feel when you aren’t being you is shallow and temporary.

After many lessons learned the hard way, I eventually learned to give less of a shit. Along the way, I met some amazing people and some not-so-amazing people, who taught me (through encounters/exchanges) that being “me” is a necessity. Being weird is a necessity.

Most importantly, I would have never reached this point in my life, if it weren’t for the friendships I formed along the way. My greatest friends approached me with honesty, warmth, unconditional acceptance. They SHOWED me how to find myself again. They SHOWED me through their own honesty and kindness, that it is OKAY to be as fucking weird as you need to be.

Friendship has shown me that the only thing you need to DO in order to obtain friendship is to give what you want to receive, but other than that, just come as you are. Jim Morrison once wrote, "A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself." I cannot be anybody else. I am who I am and the love I receive is truthfully given to me. I entrust my friends with my deepest insecurities, fears and I come without pretense.  My friends approach me unguarded and vulnerable; they allow me see them wholly. My friends are the type of women that I strive to be.

To me, living fully is having the courage to be yourself, despite all of the negativity that seems to deter us from living to the greatest extent. My deepest friendships enrich me. Friends keep me connected to myself so that I may experience life more purely. My truest friends give me the courage to be myself, when I THINK otherwise. I can only hope to be half as good to them as they have been with me.
-Valerie