These Words Hang Over My Head

I believe this about people: All at once, at the same time, we are who we are and yet we are still becoming someone else, whether that "becoming" is reaffirming whatever existed prior to the present moment or it's changing us as we enter the next. We are a paradox.

I have (in my mind) an idea of the "best version" of myself.
That version of me is not the one who caves into her impulses and who scampers foolishly from one negative thought to another. That version of me follows through with the plans to respect (and respectfully decline) the advice of my elders, to make wise decisions out of love for myself and unconditional acceptance, to work harder without seeking an instant sense of gratification, etc.
But I continually find one way to succeed and another way to fail and everyday I struggle with making myself proud. But, when I lose sight of that "Valerie," I crumble and I fret over collecting the bones.

I have been coping, "dealing" with anxiety for a LONG time. It is as much a part of me as anything else. More importantly, it brings me closer to and further away from becoming more of who I am, of being more present and connected.

So, I decided to write myself a note to hang over my bed to help me remember. The note is a physical, textual manifestation of what feels like proverbial truths I encounter through/with/because of other people...and so the universe finds ways of reminding me of what is most true (for me).

These words hang over my head (Mornings when I am actually present, I take the time to read them or acknowledge that they are there):

1) Remember who you are and who you want to be.

2) You will be okay, always. You are strong, good-hearted, and you know the weight of the world is love ---so carry it. Build up your strength. Listen to others who need to be heard. Affirm and make present the resilience and character of all the great women who've nourished you. Speak truthfully and with conviction. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable. Do not be afraid of pain. Give yourself to each task and give yourself up to the moment. Let things go.

That's all I got so far. It's not going to get any easier.